VSHIP Story (Final Draft)

2011-12-13T16:16:00.001-08:00

As I walk out on the stage, in front of everyone, my family, friends, beloved ones, I take a look back and think to myself...”This is really happening.” If you told me four years ago that I would be graduating high school with a scholarship to state, I’d laugh at you. Let me take you back. When I was a kid, the son of a single woman, a strong, working class woman, who would sacrifice everything for me. Now this woman worked every day and some nights to put food on the table and clothes on my back. Don’t get me wrong, I love this woman but with her being gone at work, it makes things easier to get away with.

We lived in a tough neighborhood. The type of neighborhood that any white family would be afraid of. Now I’m not saying all white people are racist. But I mean c’mon. They wouldn’t live here for a few obvious reasons. GANGS. Tough gangs. Violent gangs.

For the record, I’m white and half Puerto Rican. My skin is a lot lighter than I would want it, but I can’t change that. I consider myself Puerto Rican. My father is white, my mom is Puerto Rican. My dad left when I was 2. I don’t bother looking for him or associate with his side of the family for that matter. I don’t need him. My mother’s side of the family are all from the same side of town. All my cousins went to the same school. The same hang out spots. Now, my mom loved her side of the family but my cousins are another story.

On my street we had a code, we protected our own. If you were from the neighborhood, you were taken care of and made sure you weren’t a victim. I need this a lot. My mother, who wanted to keep me out of horrible public school on my side of the town, had enrolled me in a pretty nice school on the next town over. I had to take the bus every morning, about and hour and a half commute. The school was great. No graffiti on the walls. No barbed-wire fences. No metal detectors or drug dogs.

This last year, was my last time there. My mother could no longer afford to keep on sending me there. Times were tough. So, as a result, I had to go to the gang infested, drug packed, and violent grounds of Jefferson High. Now, Jefferson was particularly notorious for the number fights per week. It is said that fights happen so often that every lunch, that campus police stand at every part of the lunch room and patrol every hallways. The school even has security in the restrooms. Now of course, not in the the stalls. Probably the worst thing about this school is that it is located on the border that separates two of the city's most violent gangs.

The city is divided in half by one street: Center City Parkway. This street runs straight from the highway entrance all the way about 20 miles straight through the city. The east side of town isn't so bad. It actually has probably the richest neighborhoods in all of the city. But much like a large town, even the nice parts find themselves right next to a working class neighborhoods. So much of the youth there is angry at the large and very obvious separation of classes . Now the west side is where the rich stay out. The concrete jungle. High poverty rate and high homeless rates as well. This is where I’m from. Liquor stores on every corner. Fast food joints on ever street. Overall not a nice place.

“Get ready!” I heard from the kitchen as I slowly woke up.
I get to find my mother rushing in and out of rooms grabbing whatever cluster of papers she needed and looking for her keys as she was running late.
“Mom, I don’t want to be late. Hurry!” I exclaimed.
I really didn’t want to be on time either. I just wanted to avoid as many kids as possible. Not only was I the new kid, but I didn’t want to be seen by anyone from the other side of town.

I know I mentioned that my mom disliked my cousins. The reason is, they’re violent, drug dealing, gang members. Now the main leader of their gang is Oscar, my cousin. He is 19 and this is his second year as a Senior. Everyone at school knows him, no one likes him, but everyone is afraid of him. He is a man with endless enemies.

As I step out of the car I think, “What if the wrong person recognizes me? What if the wrong person realizes who it is that I am related to?” I begin to walk to the large wooden doors of the school, keeping my head down walking quickly to avoid everyone. I weave myself through people making sure I don’t bump into the wrong person.

Soon enough I made my way up the doors and I reach for the handle.

All of a sudden I hear “I swore if I ever saw another one of you here I would have to take care of business.” I look and find myself being confronted by a group of 6 guys.

I pan my vision from left to right, observing every little scar and marking on each guys skin. Their bruised and tough outer shell.

“Well, what do we have here? Another Mendez huh? Well it's a good thing your cousin is late as usual, looks like we're just gonna have to show you around, you know, get you a little familiar with this place, a grand tour, just for you.”

The guys begin to push me towards the side of the building. Shoving me into one another I find it hard to keep balance. So many possibilities are running through my mind right now but I know what's gonna happen.

I get thrown into the side of a dumpster bin. I feel the hard steel just get driven to my back. The pain shot through my entire body. That wasn't the worst to come. They then pulled me up by my shirt and began punch my gut. The first punch was enough to know the wind out of me. To bad one was wasn't enough. They kept taking turns knocking me down to hit the hard black top only to pick me back up and drop me again. I thought to myself, “They can kill me now if they want to.” No one would notice until it was too late.
Then just as they picked me back off of the floor, they run off in a group. Like a school of fish escaping from a large predator. I open my eyes to see a tall dark man in a suit run up yell into a walkie talkie. I couldn't make out what he was saying as my eyes began to shut.
I open my eyes to find my self on a bed, not a comfy bed I would've hope for. But a cold gray bed like the ones in a doctors office. Then it hits me, this sudden throbbing pain coming from my head. I sit up to find myself in the nurses office at the school. The white wall and stile coldness from the room confused me and just made the pain hurt even more.
The nurse comes in with that tall black man.

“You ok son??” he said in a deep firm voice. “We found you bleeding by the dumpster. We know the guys who did this they're already suspended. What is your name son?”
I tell him my name and his eye open to find the realization to why I was beaten like that. Like he knew something I didn't, aside from my cousin, I really had no clue what caused this.

“Your cousin is Oscar huh?”

“Yeah, what of it?” I replied.

“Well the main leader of that group, well, as you know, he and your cousin are not exactly friends, actually quite the opposite. They hate each other, them and their gang is the reason why we have all this security. I mean I know every kids says this but this place is a prison. High fences, security, crappy food. They make it like this for everyone. Now you seem like a good kid, I can tell. You don't have that same hate in his eyes that you do. You know this feud between them changed everything. Especially your cousin. He was a good kid long ago. But you're his family, you probably know that. But man, he was bright. Anyways, you're mom is on her way to pick you up now. Those guys won't be here tomorrow. You'll be okay.”

Later on, my mom picks me up. Worried as any mother would. She begins to say just how it's all her fault, she shouldn't have sent me to that school. I tell her it's not her fault. She had no control over what happened, but I couldn't shake the guilt from her. She drops me off at the house, she has to make it to her second job. I go straight to bed.

That night, I here some noise from my bedroom window. I ignore it thinking its the wind of something. Then I hear yelling someone calling my name. I finally get up to check outside my window.

“Who's out there?!” I ask.

“Hey buddy it's me! Oscar! Let me in!” he responded.

I walk down the stairs to open the front door. He stumbles in and I can immediately smell the alcohol on his breath.

“I heard about what happened at school today. Fuck that. He knows the beef is between him and me.”he said drunkenly.

I couldn't really think of what he was saying. I was still in pain.

“Hey I got something that will take that pain away. Here buddy, let's light up”

Now I have smoked weed before. Harmless little weed. But he said that this was special kind. So we get it ready and search the house for a lighter. After I find one, we just sit in the living room and just smoke the pain away.

I then look at the clock and realize its about to be 11pm.

“Damn that went by fast. But I'm starting to come down.” I said, not thinking.

“I got a bottle in the car, I'll be right back” He said.

He takes no longer than 2 minutes and comes back with the bottle. We pour ourselves some cups and begin to drink

In a drunken phase I bring up what happened at school.

“You know man. I should have done something. I took it like a little bitch man, I should have fought back. Taken one of them down with me. You know. I wish I could just find one of those busters and just kick there ass, give em a taste of their own medicine.” I say in my most drunken state.

“I know where Tony lives” he says.

“Who's that?”

“Man that's the kid who did that to you because of me, they all listen to him. If you drag that kid out of his bed and beat the shit out of him he won't fuck with you no more. You gotta establish that no one can mess with you” He tells me.

I waste no time thinking, in this drunken state I don't think at all I just do. I was angry and felt like scum and wanted some revenge.

“Alright man, let's go!' I say.

We then leave me house and begin to walk down the street about 8 blocks. Then we finally reach Centre City Parkway. We cross the street without knowing what was gonna happen. As soon as we get deeper on the other side of town, we decide to cut through the park. It was dark and empty. As we walk through we see lighters being used in the dark. I can hear laughing and choking. We run quietly to the nearest tree. We wait to see if the coast is clear. Who would be in a park at midnight smoking weed? Obviously not someone we'd want to run into. Luckily it wasn't a big group. Just two guys.

20 minutes later. One of the guys leaves and the other stays smoking. We wait till the coast is clear and leave from behind the tree and walk towards the other side of the park with our mission still in mind.

“Hey who the fuck is that?” we hear yelled at us. “This is my park, you can't be here unless I say so, and right now you're trespassing on my turf.”

Oscar opens his mouth, yelling out his gang name saying that he can go where ever he wants. Really provoking this guy.

He begins to walk towards us. We still don't know who this guy is and I am just tensing my fist up and curling them into a ball and preparing myself for whatever might happen. I don't now if this guy is crazy and has a knife or a gun or some weapon but it's too late to run.

He steps into the light that we're under, I immediately recognize who it is. It's Tony, the guy who beat the crap out of me. Without hesitation I pulled my arm back and punch him square in the jaw. He couldn't tell who we were till he was on the ground. We kept him on the ground kicking him in the stomach and head. I got down on the floor on top of him and just started driving my fists into him repeatedly. I had never gotten into a fight or attacked anyone. I felt powerful. Oscar, the most notorious gangster in town had to pull me off of him.

“That'll teach you to fuck with me again!” I yell as we run off to the safety of our street.

I felt so powerful, I saw what I was capable of doing. Sure I was in a drunken state of mind. But deep down I knew I liked that violence. I like the power.

The next day felt like a movie, when I walked down the hall, all eyes were on me, people moved out of my way. I guess everyone had heard about what happened. Word travels fast in high school. Everyone knew about what I had done and what I was capable of doing if anyone messes with me.

The next few months were a typical routine. No one screw around with me, no one tried to do to me what happened the first day. I made sure of that, I would hang out my cousin and his gang. We'd always get into fights with other gangs to establish out dominance. And if we didn't win the fights, I'd make sure people would know just how anyone who crossed me got beat down. I was in a downward spiral, but if you asked me then I wouldv'e told you everything was perfect, and I was as happy as ever. I was blinded by that lifestyle. My mother not around, so much liberty I took advantage of it all.

Now up until now I only got into fights, I hung out with the gang and fought along them, they made fights fair for me and made sure no one would jump in. It wasn't till about the end of sophomore year when my mom got really sick. The doctor recommended her to take a few months off of work and rest, but my mom had to work to keep the house and feed us and provide for us. I couldn't stand seeing my mom like that. I was in need of cash, I couldn't work like a regular person and make slow money, not me. I need money fast. Oscar soon heard about this.

“Hey I know how you can make some money. I told myself I wouldn't get you into this but you are desperate I know....Here.” He says as he hands me a little a handful of little unblown childrens balloons filled with something.

“What is this?” I asked

“Meth” he said calm as if it was just some other object to be sold. “You can sell that and make money, the gang of course would get most of the money back but you get your share, which is still a lot of cash.”

I took the stuff, I told myself I needed the money. My conscience and common sense was blocked by the image of my poor mother slaving away as she slowly dies.

I got home and told my mom that I found a job to help her out with the bills so she could quit her second job and rest more. She was at a loss for words, but she had a proud look on her face. She still didn't know what I've been up to while she was gone. She knew my grades were bad and that's about it. She couldn't know, it would break her heart.

The following Monday I missed school, I decided not to go because it was my first day of work. My cousin dropped me off at the location a rather large intersection filled with liquor stores, homeless men, and women for sale. I stood there for the first half-an hour not knowing what to expect. What if a cop rolled up, what if someone killed me, just like that. No one cares if a drug dealer dies.

All of a sudden a car pulls up, windows tinted. They roll the windows down, nothing but a cloud of smoke comes out. Once it clears I see a hand holding something, I reach out and grab whatever he is hold and it is a couple hundred dollar bills, just like that I had made 300 dollars, I proceeded to hand him back a few balloons back. I couldn't believe how easy that was. I felt more and more accepting of what I was doing. I didn't think about anything but the money.

That habit was formed from then, I had no sense of fear of that anymore, I learned the ropes and learned how to become a salesmen, and a good one at that.
A few months pass by and my mom had to get an operation. She didn't have health insurance so we had to pay all of it ourselves, luckily I had been good at my job so that was covered. One thing though was that in school I was doing horrible. Junior year, I was missing school, not doing the work and just showing to sell drugs there. Obviously not the hard drugs, just marijuana. The days I went to school I immediately would go and slang drugs right after school, the real money makers. I would sell for about a good 6 hours.

One day I remember I was on my way to the main spot, when I turn around and see a car slowly creeping behind me. I made a turn at the corner and just thought I was being paranoid. I turn back and see them still tailing me. I begin to run, the car is speeding up behind me. I try to dodge them and make turn onto street but they make the turns as well. I run to somewhere were I know I can hideout, Oscars house, its only about and quarter mile away. I cut through backyards, hop fences and run through ally ways, but I can see them and they know where I am heading to. I have no clue who can be chasing me. I can see Oscars house from a few blocks down. I begin to sprint for my life, it is getting harder to breathe and my muscles are in excruciating pain. I then hop Oscars gate and burst through the front door and fall on the floor. Oscar was in the kitchen and hears me and rushes towards me and asks what's a matter and what's going on. I tell him about the car chasing me.

“Hold on” he says as he goes back to kitchen to get something from under the sink. “Let's take care of this.”

He pulls out a pistol, loads the clip, cocks it and goes outside.

He walks out. Points the gun at the car. Fires a few shots at the tires to scare who ever is in there. After all is quite. The car door opens and out comes Tony, I hadn't seen him since that night in park. He pulls out a gun and before he can even point it at Oscar, Oscar fires three shots at him. All of them hit Tony the chest. The car the drives off in a frantic panic and just as it passes Oscar fire a few more shots to the drivers window and the car swerves and crashes into the lamppost. Within 10 minutes there are cops everywhere.

I never saw Oscar again. He killed those two guys that day. I guess Tony was still bitter about the beating and now that I was a part of the gang and was running drugs for them he thought it was time for his revenge. Oscar got a death sentence for first degree murder.

I didn't know what to do the following weeks. Those weeks were the first time in a long time where I actually showed up to school. I didn't want to be home I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to be somewhere where there is an authority watching my every move so I don’t fuck up and do something stupid.

“Hey come to my office please.” I heard from behind me. And look around to see that tall black suited man. I proceeded to follow him. “Look I’m gonna be honest with you, you're fucking up. You're a bright kid, but your lazy. Now I know about all the things you do and everything that happened with your cousin and Im sorry. But you need to not fuck up your only chance of getting out of here. At the rate your going you won't graduate. You are starting your senior year and you have lots of work to do. I'll tell you what, I know this program at the Community Centre. It's a youth outreach they meet Tuesdays. I want you to go.”

I thought well what the hell, I don't want to be out on the street where anyone can get me. I show up after school to the community centre down the street from school. There is a circle of kids. It looks like an AA meeting just with a younger crowd. I sit there and then the group leader stand up and begins to talk.

“What makes a community?” she asks to us.
“What makes a community work? What are the benefits? Now I want you to think about that. I want you to think of an answer. Now I want you to think of what's wrong with your community? What are somethings you hate about it?”

I think to myself, I haven't thought about that in a while. A couple of years ago I would've listed every person and every thing wrong with it. But now as I sit there and think about it I realize that I became what I hated the most. I was what was wrong in my community.

We spent the next 2 hours talking and doing activities to get to know each other. I here problems similar to mine. The only child of a single working mother. The teen affected by drugs and alcohol. The person who just got lost. I felt something I hadn't felt in a while I was aware of everything I had done. My mind was running on something else because I know that all I did wasn't the real me. All this time I used my problems as a justification to what I was doing.

I kept on attending the weekly meetings and they also offered a homework and school helping hour where I used the leaders of the group to help me with the things I had missed. They all became my friends. Not just a group I sell drugs for and make them money. It felt great. Everything fell into place. Just in time to, I was lost. But I found my way, the right track for something different.

Planning the fundraiser

2011-11-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

So today my little brother joined the group, he's not in any danger of his life being ruined by drugs but I felt like it's be a good thing for him. He could meet kids his age and maybe talk about something more than surface things. It helped a lot! I learned things about him and his life outside of the family. It made me happy to know that I set the example for him, he talked about how learns from my mistakes. I know he'll do a lot better in school than I did, I know he'll have less problems in life and take things easier than I did. The main subject today was family. I got to hear about the kids family, we spoke to them about what makes a family work. All the kids felt like their families were a priority to take care of and the only that can set their standards aside from themselves.

We wanted to raise money to pay for our space and for our books and

Another Volunteer Day

2011-11-22T09:16:00.000-08:00

I've always liked working with people younger. I found that I get along really well with kids and that I can find myself feeling better and my self-esteem. Even though I haven't done that great of accomplishments in life, the little ones I do mantion like being a musicians and going to college and graduating high just excited these kids and I feel sort of admired. I felt great! I want to be sort of an inspiration to these kids, I don't want to call them kids perse, well I can since I'm almost 18 and they're barley in high school, but still I was their age not to long ago. I know what they are feeling, I was from a tough neighborhood too, but I overcame all those hardships with growning up in the "hood." We talked a lot about school and college. I was happy to see these kids were college bound. "That's the first step" I said, knowing what you want and setting your goals is hard. With kids like these who are looking for a positive change. It makes me happy.

Hours work: 1 hour and a half (4 Kids=4 hours)

Total Hours: 8

Progress on Volunteership

2011-11-15T11:01:00.000-08:00

So far I have an idea of where I want to do for my volunteership. All that I have to do is take that first step and make phone calls. It would be awesome to do it at the Salvation Army thrift stores since I do shop there. That's really all I have so far. So far I am actually debating between Salvation Army and Planned parent hood. About to listen to the presentation right now!

First day

2011-11-15T09:05:00.000-08:00

For my first visit I got to meet everyone, all the kids. Nick and I spent most of the time talking about life and just going over things such as family and our values and how we're similar. We then got together with the kids to talk to them about what is unity and what makes a community beautiful. The meeting was short but since my volunteering is only once a week I get an hours work from each kid I work with well. Which helps me a lot since we only meet on Tuesdays. After we set our standards and goals from the week and speak with the kids and inroduce me. We go out for a friendly game of basketball. I was really ill so I had to sit this one out.

Hours work: 1 hour and a half (4 Kids=4 hours)
Total Hours: 4

Blogpost 1

2011-11-12T10:50:00.000-08:00